[Two sermons on fatherhood and discipline]
Rev. David Holwick V FATHERS DAY
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
June 16, 1991
Ephesians 6:1-4
HONORING YOUR FATHER - BY OBEYING HIM
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I. Attitude toward authority has changed in our society.
A. "Desert Storm" parade in New York City, thousands cheer troops.
1) Anti-war demonstrations, sit-ins, during my youth.
B. Similar changes in attitudes toward fathers, reflected in TV.
1950's and "Father Knows Best."
Good-natured, somewhat aloof, unaware.
1970's and "All In The Family."
Bumbling and bigoted.
1990's and "Married With Children." (or "The Simpsons")
Lazy oaf. #???
1) In many of these programs, kids have wisdom and upper hand.
2) Fathers are laughable.
II. The duty of a child: Honor your father by submitting to him.
A. Reasons why we should honor our fathers:
1) God tells us to.
a) Submission to fathers is similar to submission to God.
2) It makes sense.
a) Fathers have accumulated wisdom over the years.
1> Mark Twain and amazement at how much his father
learned between Twain's 15th and 21st year.
2> Children can learn much from a father.
A> Moses and passing on of spiritual truth.
b) A long life is promised - Ten Commandments. Deut 5:16
B. How should children honor their fathers?
1) Obey out of love, not fear.
2) Show respect for father.
a) Even takes precedence over "religious" devotion.
3) Taking care of father in old age. 1 Tim 5:8
III. The duty of a father: Be worthy of honor and authority.
A. Families need a strong leader.
1) Problems result when a father abdicates his responsibility.
2) David and Adonijah. 1 Kings 1:6
B. Discipline is necessary to maintain authority.
1) Hebrews 12:7-11
a) Discipline shows you care. Heb 12:8
b) Discipline is hard, but bears lasting fruit.
2) The positive influence of a father's authority.
Dobson's dentist illustration.
In the absence of parental leadership, some children become
extremely obnoxious and defiant, especially in public places.
Perhaps the best example was a ten-year-old boy named Robert,
who was a patient of my good friend Dr. William Slonecker.
The Doctor said his pediatric staff dreaded the days when
Robert was scheduled for an office visit.
He literally attacked the clinic, grabbing instruments and
files and telephones.
His passive mother could do little more than shake her head in
bewilderment.
During one physical examination, Dr. Slonecker observed severe
cavities in Robert's teeth and knew the boy must be referred
to a local dentist.
But who would be given the honor?
A referral like Robert could mean the end of a professional
friendship.
Dr. Slonecker eventually decided to send him to an older dentist
who reportedly understood children.
The confrontation that followed now stands as one of the classic
moments in the history of human conflict.
Robert arrived in the dental office, prepared for battle.
"Get in the chair, young man," said the doctor.
"No chance!" replied the boy.
"Son, I told you to climb onto the chair, and that's what I
intend for you to do," said the dentist.
Robert stared at his opponent for a moment and then replied,
"If you make me get in that chair, I will take off my clothes."
The dentist calmly said, "Son, take'em off."
The boy forthwith removed his shirt, undershirt, shoes, and
socks, and then looked up in defiance.
"All right, son," said the dentist. "Now get on the chair".
"You didn't hear me," sputtered Robert. "I said if you make
me get on that chair, I will take off all my clothes."
"Son, take'em off," replied the man.
Robert proceeded to remove his pants and shorts, finally
standing totally naked before the dentist and his assistant.
"Now, son, get in the chair," said the doctor.
Robert did as he was told, and sat cooperatively through the
entire procedure.
When the cavities were drilled and filled, he was instructed to
step down from the chair.
"Give me my clothes now," said the boy.
"I'm sorry," replied the dentist.
"Tell your mother that we're going to keep your clothes tonight.
She can pick them up tomorrow.
Can you comprehend the shock Robert's mother received when the
door to the waiting room opened, and there stood her pink son,
as naked as the day he was born?
The room was filled with patients, but Robert and his mom walked
past them and into the hall.
They went down a public elevator and into the parking lot,
ignoring the snickers of onlookers.
The next day, Robert's mother returned to retrieve his clothes,
and asked to have a word with the dentist.
However, she did not come to protest. These were her sentiments:
"You don't know how much I appreciate what happened here
yesterday.
You see, Robert has been blackmailing me about his clothes
for years.
Whenever we are in a public place, such as a grocery store,
he makes unreasonable demands of me.
If I don't immediately buy him what he wants, he threatens
to take off all his clothes.
You are the first person who had called his bluff, doctor, and
the impact on Robert has been incredible."
#1467
C. How to discipline your children.
1) Don't be harsh. Eph 6:4
A 1988 article on Seattle Supersonics basketball forward
Tom Chambers revealed him as an unhappy man.
It was due to the harsh attitudes of his father.
Tom never felt he measured up, even when winning.
Tom was always scowling. #856
2) Your life sets an example for them. 1 Cor 4:15-16
3) Encourage and comfort. 1 Thess 2:10-12
a) Fathers can have a tremendous impact on their kids.
Scientific studies have found that fathers tend to be
more playful and physical with their children.
Girls are higher achievers when their fathers encourage
them.
Even babies are more aware of their fathers than
previously thought.
#514, Newsweek, 12/19/88
IV. Fathers are models of God to their family.
A. Fathers want to give good things to their children. Matt 7:9
B. Be an example of faith to your family, like Abraham. Rom 4
V. The limits of authority.
A. Jesus - earthly fathers reflect God, but aren't perfect like him.
1) Some fathers fall far short, abuse authority.
2) What if Dad forbids you to come to youth group?
B. Other relationships have a bearing.
1) Marriage in some sense separates us from parents. Eph 5:31
2) Yet relationship continues.
a) Examples of biblical men who obeyed fathers.
C. Ultimately, all authority belongs to God alone.
1) Put trust in your Heavenly Father.
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Different sermon on similar theme:
Rev. David Holwick V
First Baptist Church
Ledgewood, New Jersey
July 7, 1996
Deut 21:18-21
REBELLION AND RESPECT
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I. Rebellion is in our character.
A. American Revolution.
1) Whiskey rebellion soon after.
B. Rebellion in the home.
1) Creation festival compared to Woodstock.
a) Original Woodstock philosophy:
1> "Don't trust anyone over 30."
(Those who said it are now over 50.)
2> Bumper sticker: "Question Authority."
b) Images from "Creation '96."
1> Purple mohawks, black lipstick and spiked dog
collar necklaces.
2> Relationship with their parents?
C. Conflict between the generations.
"The world is passing through troubled times.
The young people of today think of nothing but themselves.
They have no respect for parents or old age.
They are impatient with any boundaries.
They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for
wisdom with us is foolishness with them.
As for the girls, they are aggressive, immodest and
unfeminine in speech, behavior and dress."
That might have been written yesterday.
As a matter of fact, it is a quote from a sermon preached
by Peter the Hermit in 1274.
The generations have never understood each other very well.
#3199
D. Rebellion may seem to be inevitable, but it is not.
1) Different generations need each other.
2) Generations can get along.
3) The key is mutual respect. (That means it goes both ways.)
II. Biblical style of relationships.
A. Adults exercise authority.
1) Chain of command imagery. 1 Cor 11:3
a) God...Jesus...husband...wife...
1> Kids would be on the tail end.
b) Controversial.
1> Male domination?
2> If Bible is true, we disregard it at our peril.
2) Note Malachi 1:6 and how honor goes with respect,
just as fathers go with masters.
3) Bible never portrays children as equals with parents.
B. Children respect their elders.
1) Rebellion treated severely in OT.
a) Rotten kids are executed. Deut 21:18-21
2) Respect is related to obedience.
Tim Stafford is a writer for Christianity Today magazine,
and also a father with kids in school.
When he went to the annual back-to-school night, he noticed
huge hallway banners reading,
"Respect and Responsibility -- We Can Do It Together."
The principal took a few minutes to explain the theme to the
parents, then turned the program over to the cheerleaders.
They illustrated respect by lip-synching a bump-and-grind
rendition of Aretha Franklin's song of the same name.
At the final beat, they turned around, bent over, flipped up
their cheerleader skirts, and displayed the word RESPECT,
spelled out on pieces of paper pinned to their bottoms.
Stafford nudged his wife and said: "I don't think they've
completely grasped the concept."
#3629
a) Do what parents tell you to do.
b) Honor them as having wisdom you don't yet have.
C. Balanced by love.
1) Parents have authority, but cannot be tyrants.
a) Their discipline must be "in the Lord." Eph 6:1
b) Fathers especially must not exasperate kids. Eph 6:4
c) Positive (nurture) is as important as negative
(discipline).
d) Respect has boundaries: it doesn't violate our safety,
financial stability or our own families.
(Disc #47, p39)
2) Respect needs to be mutual.
a) To get respect, be respectable.
1> Play by fair rules.
2> Be consistent.
3> Be gracious, not hard.
A> Humility is important aspect.
B> Parents are not always right, and kids are not
always wrong.
b) Parents should also respect their kids.
1> Give kids guidelines and structure, but also
freedom to make their own decisions.
III. How long are the generations tied to each other?
A. "Honor thy father and mother" is not given an age limit.
1) Marriage changes things: Leave and cleave. Gen 2:24
2) But we always have commitment to parents.
a) Old Testament patriarches had influence until death.
b) Jesus concerning "corban" and parents. Matt 7:10-13
B. Honor should remain, but obedience often turns to service.
1) Many take care of parents in old age. [Disc #58, p32f]
2) This can be the ultimate "Thank You."
C. Maturity can mean rebuilding broken relationships.
1) Not all parents are wonderful.
a) All have flaws.
2) Genuine faith means we learn how to forgive. [Disc #38,p33]
IV. Do you respect your Ultimate Parent? Malachi 1:6
A. If we can't respect our parents, we can't respect God.
1) Advantage: God is perfect.
2) Disadvantage: we cannot see God, and his standards are high.
B. Many are in rebellion against God.
1) Sinful habits.
2) Forbidden relationships.
3) Hurts us, and God.
C. Respect God by honoring him and obeying him.
1) To do this, follow his Son, Jesus.
First Baptist Church; Ledgewood, New Jersey
This document last modified December 4, 1998